pregnancy + the technology age = me stressed

We google everything these days.  In fact the first thing that is said in my house if we don't know the answer to a question is "google it."

But unfortunately the ability to have so much information a laptop away is making me a little crazy.  I'm obviously a first-time mom, but I do have a good bit of experience with babies having been a nanny on and off for about two years.  The only thing about being a nanny is I really didn't have to make any real decisions about childcare. Diapers, cremes, shampoos, clothing...all these things magically appeared.  What I was supposed to feed the children in my care was in the pantry and there was usually detailed instructions either written down or given to me directly by the parent.  Now all of those minute details are my decisions.  And did you know that half of baby soaps and lotions have toxic chemicals in them?  At least according to this study, http://safecosmetics.org/article.php?id=414.  But if you keep reading, everything, and I mean absolutely everything is harmful to children.

It is stressful.  Most things leech toxic chemicals.  It's bad to use baby powder.  It's bad to use anything with fragrance.  I'm not sure how anyone in my generation or any of the ones before made it to adulthood.  In fact it is a miracle that we have all lived this long.

I've got a few things figured out.  Breastfeeding is definitely in.  Cloth diapers, for now at least, are out.  I'm using Aveeno baby lotion and soap.  It's mostly natural.  The baby room is being painted with low VOC paint.  I'm trying, I'm sure like most new parents.  You pick and choose what you can do.  It's much like choosing what we can do to protect the environment.

I'll do what you can and hope everything else falls into place.  I'll do my best to make sure baby Jack is as happy and healthy as I can make him.

Alternatives...

Currently I'm sitting on an exercise ball, that may or may not double as a birthing ball in the next three months.  I also had a strange impulse to youtube birthing videos while watching The Office.  I definately didn't not find what I thought I would.  I've been watching lots of home/water births.  And I also saw this: Orgasms during birth.  Orgasms during birth?  These people have to be kidding.  But it's made me want to do a little more research on alternatives to being highly medicated and not experiencing labor.

I have to come up with my "birth plan" in the next few weeks.  For all those that are unfamiliar with more of this baby jargon a birth plan is just making a "tentative" plan on how I'd like Jackson's birth to be, but it's just a plan and you have to be ready for adjustments to the plan depending on the baby, the birth, and the situation.  I was planning on trying to labor for as long as I could before having the epidural and now I am sort of, kind of, considering delaying it unless I can't handle the pain.  But I'm sure as most of you guys know I'm whiny and fairly weak.  I'm not sure how long I could really go, but all this depends on the pain.  The good thing about this little stint is that I think I'm gonna make a trip to the library and research this whole birthing thing.

I'm feeling very squashed.  I think that Jackson has lodged himself into my right side as my ribcage feels like it is expanding on one side and it really hurts.  I also feel him thumping around under my right breast and down on the bottom of my belly.  I was talking to my mom and she said that I was a permanent fixture in that area.  I'm not sure how much I'm looking forward to the next few months.  I guess I should plan on being a lot more squashed.  I just hope that I can breathe.

24 weeks

Well I'll only really be working for a couple more weeks, mostly 9 more days (yes, I'm counting down).  I'm fairly sure that the place I'm working is replacing me (or as they say phasing my position out and getting a more "technically savvy" person) because I'm preggo.  Never knew the world was so prejudiced against the preggo population.  I'm learning new things everyday.  But since I don't exactly like the job and being with out it is definately do-able for Kemp and I, I'm not complaining.

This time off should help me get everything together...  The nursery is coming together for sure.  Mom came down last weekend to "help"/do everything.  We moved all of the stuff out of the guest bedroom.  Mom wiped all the walls down, we washed, folded, organized and put away all the baby clothes Connor donated to Jack.  Jackson should definately be well clothed for at least 0-3 months.  So, please refrain from buying that range.  Go for 6 months+.  With my luck that child may be in 6 months way sooner than expected!  He is Kemp's son.

Most of this on the couch we kept, less a bag and a half.  Even still Jackson probably has about 20 tiny onesies, 20 medium tiny onesies and 20 3-6 month onesies.  Plus tons of little random outfits, hats, bibs and lots of socks.  Quite a bit of clothes for someone that isn't even fully developed yet.  But for someone that is so tiny (around a foot long and 1.5 lb) he has does have a mean kick/elbow.

I've been feeling him move around and kick/elbow like crazy lately.  He tends to be really active when I'm hungry.  I think my stomach growling annoys him a bit.  Unfortunately when my mom was here he refused to move.  Maybe he's saving his "maw maw" time for when he's out.  And yes my mother is thinking about being called "maw maw" which makes her sound like an 80 year-old woman.  I'm working on alternatives.

We also got to have a pregnancy photo shoot...it was awesome.  Oh that's right...I mostly just look fat, but there were a few that were ok looking.  Thanks to Tay the photographer and mom the shoot "organizer."

Super preggo looking at least.  This is about 24 weeks.

And I've decided that black and white is much more forgiving...and how cute are these tiny shoes?

That's all for now.  Hopefully in the next few days I'll post a couple of crib options, I'm considering about three.  I'm also working really hard on my registry!  

Babymania

5.5 months pregnant. Jackson is kicking now...where other human beings beside me can acknowledge his existence. I'm also past the halfway mark, so my mind has been on the nursery, the registry, pediatricians, etc. Gotta get in gear. But I have been lusting over some pretty awesome stuff for the nursery....I found this adorable bedding set at www.target.com.

It works pretty awesomely with what I think will be the nursery's color scheme.  I think we are gonna go with a warm, neutral cream color for the walls.  If all goes well a friend of mine is going to paint a tree on the wall that will be chocolate.  And I want green and blue accents.  So this bedding set goes perfectly with that.  I love the animals and the trees on it!  Hopefully baby Jack will get smarter just by sleeping on ABC's and 123's.  And the best thing is it is super affordable.    It is by Circo and they have tons of mix and match little sets like this.  I love it.  So much better than other beddiing sets I have looked at which were between $150-200.  This one is about $50 for the quilt, sheets, and bumper.

I'm having some pretty big issues with picking out a crib though.  I hate making decisions involving furniture, especially super expensive $200 furniture.  The room the nursery is in is kinda small too so there will have to be some creative thought put into how we  are going to all of the baby's stuff in there.

I'm kinda focused on the tree in the room though.  I had a long conversation with a very creative friend of mine.  I picked out a ton of trees that I liked.  This is my favorite:

I showed her this one and some others.  She's such a great artist, I just told her to do whatever she thinks will look good.  She really did like this one though.  I'm really excited about the tree.  We are also going to put some birdies, an owl and maybe a bunny near the bottom.  Ya know...so Lola can watch over Jack.  I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

The nursery is slowly coming together.  I still have a super long list of things to do before I'm anywhere near ready for the baby to be out in the world.

I do wish that I could currently be a bit more fashionable in all my preggo-ness, but I'm taking what I can get now.  The addition of black and gray leggings is helping.  And my mom got me brown, black, and gray tights for Christmas.  Hopefully all these things will help expand my wardrobe, especially since I'm job hunting again!

And the answer is....

  We've done it.  Everyone wants one and we have one. Goodbye penis envy!  I officially have a penis.  Now it's not technically my penis per se, but I do have one or at least the little person inside of me has one.  So we have a Jackson Wayne Maxwell officially!

On the ultrasound, the one on the right side, you can see his leg, his little baby booty and obviously also his penis (it's the line in the middle of the three lines).  So we are very excited, we told my mom and sister whilst grinning ear to ear.  The whole ultrasound experience was very fun and anxiety provoking, for me at least.  I was very nervous.  But the ultrasound technician, a very fast talking woman, assured me that he was right on schedule.  His measurements were great and he weighs 9 ounces or at least he did on December 22.

Yes I have an adorable child.  I have also decided that I can definitely feel him moving.  Though I have heard it described as feeling like "popcorn" or "butterflies fluttering," yeah not my Jackson.  I feel sharp little kicks...possibly to my internal organs.  I thought they were just random pains, but random pains tend to not be rhythmic little stabs.  So I guess Jack already likes to annoy Mom.  He did wave at us in the ultrasound which was very cute, he's already outgoing.  He still looks a bit like an alien, but he isn't fully baked in the oven yet.

I'm 20 weeks tomorrow or five months.  I've got the crazy dark line down my belly.  I've made a baby list and a budget.  Life and planning are beginning to come together.  I'm very excited about 2010, Jackson and our new family.

I'm seriously thinking about writing a book about pregnancy, but it might end our species.

so close I can't stand it...

So my first ultrasound is in less than four days. I'm sooo excited! I can't wait to start buying stuff for the baby. I was really worried about having a girl...because I want a boy so it would make perfect sense that I would have a girl, but I saw pictures of a friend's sister's one year-old little girl and she is absolutely adorable. I've decided I'll be very happy with either boy or girl.

I'm definately starting to show. Well at least I'm definately starting to look significantly fatter. Absolutely no flat belly for me at this point. I am fairly confident that I'll be able to get back to where I was pre-baby, but I'm hoping for a bit smaller than that. I'll have to make a plan.

On Saturday I'll officially be in the middle of my pregnancy, four and a half months or in baby speak 18 weeks. Hmm...I think my baby looks like this, but probably a little browner with more hair:

I think that I've finally gotten used to the fact that I am having a baby. I kind of, sort of, not really, it's complicated want to do my usual thing: planning. It's been a hard adjustment, but I really think this whole thing is an adventure. I'm hoping that kemp will catch on. But I've got lots of things to do in the next few weeks. I want to make a birth plan... There are lots of good examples online, like this site: http://www.childbirth.org/articles/birthplans.html or this one http://www.justmommies.com/quizzes/birthplan.php. I'm not really looking forward to doing this so much, but it's a very important part of the whole planning thing. Especially in the area where I live, I'm very opinionated and I want things done my way during the birth of my child, and here people just let the hospital and doctors do whatever because they don't research things. I also have to sign up for birthing classes and make a list of things I need for the baby and start to plan my baby shower and maybe plan a mini baby moon and decorate the nursery and the list goes on forever. I need to make a list that lists all the lists I need to make.

It all sounds like a lot, but I'm really excited that I'm starting to let myself be really happy about everything. It's been an interesting 3 and half months.

I just have to remember that just because I'm having a baby doesn't mean my life will be ordinary. I've been scared for a long time that my life was going to be ordinary. I think that is why I've been so scared of marriage and moving home and just all of that. My life isn't ordinary. Now I just have to work on kemp.

the 2nd trimester

I'm officially in the middle of my pregnacy (wow, it still feels weird writing that!). I'm feeling much better in every way. I'm still incredibly scared of the responsibility of raising a child, but I'm getting there.

I just visited an old friend that I haven't really spent time with in a while. She has two great boys and that definately made me much more confident in my parenting abilities. She had her first when she was 17. If she can raise two kids like that so young, I know that I can too.

I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time on November 13. Kemp and I went to my last Dr. appt. and recorded the heartbeat. It is really crazy. Most of the time it is very surreal that I have a baby chilling inside of me, but when you hear the heartbeat it makes it very real. My first ultrasound is on Dec. 22 and I'm so excited to actually see the baby. And maybe to find out the gender....go boy! We'll see...